Controlled Chaos Behind the Scene...

This week I visited the International Bridal Design Fair at the White Gallery in London.  I watched a fabulous bridal fashion show during the fair and after the show met Pamela Chapman who is the head of a backstage management and dresser team that liaises between the designer and models to ensure that the show goes smoothly and that every model changes in time to arrive on the catwalk looking cool, calm and collected.

In my opinion and many others, backstage management and dressers are the unsung heroes of the fashion business.  They are always ready with pins, thread, tape and other things that you may not think of to deal with every eventuality during a fashion show.  When you watch a fashion show, I'm sure you have no idea about the controlled chaos going on behind the stage and Pam and her team make sure that the chaos is controlled!

Pam also dresses brides for the big day.  She arrives when hair and make up arrives and assists the bride in getting dressed and making sure everything is in place.  To follow is a 10 minute interview with her as she tells about some of her experiences.

If you would like to get in touch with Pam, here is her link http://www.pamelachapman.com/.

Have you remembered yourself on your long list of things to do?

I got a frantic phone call the other day from a bride to be saying that she is getting married next weekend and is 'rubbish' in front of the camera...her words not mine!  She wanted to know if I could come and help her before the wedding although it was very short notice and I said I could.  In fact, we're meeting on Sunday to get her in a good state to work with the photographer and camera so that she feels and looks good in her wedding photos.

There are 2 reasons I tell you this and the first one is about YOU, the bride.  I see brides do this all the time. They spend months making plans, finding the wedding venue, tasting wedding cake, buying the dress and going to the fittings, choosing the flowers, and on and on.  They forget about themselves!  I know you might be saying, no we don't, but you do.  I'm not talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, make up and hair trials, I'm talking about enjoying the process of planning, having fun with it, keeping the stress low and looking forward to your important day with curiosity and excitement.  How many of you are really excited in a good way?

Secondly, it is a lot easier than you think to make some changes now.  My frantic bride thought it was too late to do anything about her situation but it's not.  The beauty of the human brain is that we learn quickly and we learn even more quickly when we are passionate about getting something right. How ridiculous is it that you are spending large sums of money and time on planning your wedding and all you are feeling is stress?  So, my suggestion to you is build in some time for yourself.  Put aside a bit of time everyday where you are alone and breathe deeply, make some good images of what the next step will look like and how much fun it will be and make sure your internal dialogue is saying good things to you and if not tell it to SHUT UP!  You will begin to notice how much more enjoyable the wedding planning process becomes and I'm sure your fiancé will notice too!  This is meant to be a time to plan for a great event so get yourself into a great state and the fun will follow.

You may be saying how does this advice help a bride who is not good in front of the camera?  Easy, if she feels calm and confident it will show in her eyes, smile and posture so the pictures will reflect this and she will be much happier with the result.  Go on, do it...what do you have to lose?

HAVE FUN!

When confidence disappears, what to do?

Last night I went to a black tie dinner and while we were having drinks I started talking to this young woman.  She asked me what I do and I told her that I prepare brides for their big day and she started laughing and said 'I wish I knew someone like you before I got married'.  She was so confident and chatted to me as if we had known each other for years although we just met.  I asked her what she possible could have needed advice on as she seemed so confident.  She told me that she got married in Kenya with 20 guests, predominantly her family and everything was going well.  She came into the room where the wedding was taking place, turned the corner, saw the guests and froze.  She wanted to run and cry. She had this overwhelming feeling of fear that shocked her...totally unexpected.  She told me that it was just the culmination of everything.  The white dress, the flowers, the shoes...she had never worn things like that before.   She had worn long dresses and heels but there was something about being dressed in white with the eyes of your friends and family watching your every move.

It's amazing how situations that we least expect can jump up and frighten us when we don't expect it.  A great technique to use in a situation like that is to identify where the feeling is...in your stomach, in your chest, in your throat or somewhere else.  Spin that feeling in the direction that it wants to go.  Energy has movement and a feeling is energy.  Keep spinning it in that direction until you can't stand it anymore and then stop it, reverse it in the opposite direction and let it spin in that direction, faster and faster.  When something goes in the opposite direction, it doesn't remain the same so the negative feeling becomes a positive feeling.  Go on, do it now.  Think of something that stresses you out and do this technique.  It works every time.

The beauty of this technique is that you can do it anytime, anywhere and no one will know that you are doing it and the more you practice it, the easier it will become and before you know it you will do it naturally without thinking about it!

Perfection is a myth...

Nothing is perfect, is it?  Have you seen perfection?  I talk to a lot of brides and the one thing I notice most is their desire to have the perfect wedding.  Forget it.  It's not possible.  There is no such thing as a perfect wedding and the sooner you give up that idea, the sooner your stress level will reduce.

I heard a great phrase the other day...'It's not what life throws at you, it's how you catch it'.  I like that and the more I think about it, the more relaxed I feel about what life is going to throw at me.  You see, not everything goes to plan as we would like it to and that's OK.  Let go of this idea of the perfect wedding because it has never happened before and I doubt that you will be the first!  Besides, what would you have to talk about afterwards?  Some of the best stories from a wedding are about the things that didn't go to plan and they are usually very funny and we can dine out on them for years.

Instead of focusing on the idea of a perfect wedding, make a picture of what you will look like on the day, how happy you will feel and see the faces of your friends and family enjoying your wedding day.  Make a very clear picture of that and make it big and colourful and hear the voices and laughter.  If it helps to close your eyes, do this.  Make the picture even bigger like you are sitting in a cinema and you are watching it on a big screen.  Play the film out from beginning to end and make sure it has the emotion in it that you want to achieve.  It's not about the perfect flower arrangements, or the most beautiful dress or even the perfect weather, it's about enjoying yourself and enjoying the event that you have spent months planning.  If you focus on that, you will have a wonderful day and if anything doesn't go to plan, you will roll with it and laugh it off.

A wedding is about great memories and in order to have great memories it is best to be in a good state of mind.  Stay in the moment on the day and really notice the things around you...you've spent a lot of time and money on them so enjoy! Get out of your head and shut down the internal dialogue.  Instead, look at everything around you, take deep breaths and inhale the aroma of the flowers, feel the body heat of your friends and family, look in your husband's eyes and smile.  They will all be looking to you to see if you are relaxed and enjoying yourself and if you are, then they will as well.

Perfection is boring...

What does stay in the moment mean?

You've heard it on the TV, radio and read it in books but what does it mean...'stay in the moment'?  Before I explain what I think it means, it really is important to stay in the moment because that's all we have...the moment. The past is over and the future hasn't happened yet so staying in the moment is the best place to be!  The thing is that we frequently leave the present and start imagining the future and not always in a good way.  In fact, frequently it doesn't have a happy ending in our little film that we play and we begin to feel bad about something that hasn't even happened.

I'm sure with all the plans that you are making for your wedding you are also making pictures of what your wedding will look like and the film that you run may not play out the way you want it to, which fills you with feelings of anxiety and dread.  Not a good start to the wedding day, is it?  You're making all these plans and you want to savour every moment of your big day, not end up feeling that it didn't really happen or that you missed it!

There is a simple technique that will keep you in the moment and you can do it everyday and gradually you will stay in the moment without having to think about it.  When you are feeling overwhelmed by plans, decisions and disappointments, look outside yourself and notice what you see, what you hear and what you smell.  This will take you instantly into the present and keep you there as long as you focus on the what you see, hear and smell.  The more frequently you come into the present and notice what is going on around you, the less overwhelming everything will seem.  You see, what we create in our minds is frequently far worse than reality so keep in touch with reality as much as you can throughout the day and stop and smell the roses!

Decisions, decisions...

So now you've made the biggest decision of your life, to get married, and that decision gives birth to hundreds more decisions!  Good times.  Maybe you like making decisions, maybe you don't.  In addition to having to make decisions, you have a large budget to spend on the perfect day...your wedding day.  Here's the good news, you can actually enjoy making decisions and they can be good ones, that make you happy.

Remember a time that you made a good decision.  I'm sure there are many.  Do you remember how you felt?  You probably got a good feeling that you were hardly aware of like a good feeling in your stomach.  Our body tells us things all the time if we listen to it, such as when a decision is good or not. So instead of getting yourself into a confused state about a decision, take a few deep breaths, be quiet and let the thought go through your body and see how it feels...it will tell you.  Then connect that feeling to the decision and you will always make the right one.  I promise.