Is it a mistake or a bad decision?

Have you ever made a mistake?  I have.  Several.  What do you think the difference is between a mistake and a bad decision?  I'll tell you what I think.  A mistake is something that you do, regret and get over.  A bad decision is something that you do, don't get over and beat yourself up about or mourn for a long time.  Can you think of mistake you made a while ago, several weeks, months or years, and still feel bad about?  Now is the time to let it go.  It's over and the best thing about the past is that it's over! The best thing you can do is apologise, forgive yourself and move on.

Some people make mistakes that become very bad decisions.  Have you ever met someone who hates their job and wishes they had followed their dream instead?  Perhaps they studied art at University but took a job in the corporate world, have stayed in the job for years and now feel incapable to make the change.  That is a very bad decision that started life as a mistake.

Planning a wedding will require you to make a lot of decisions...some as simple as what kind of icing you want on your wedding cake and some as complicated as who sits next to who at the wedding breakfast.  Now is a good time to accept that you will make a couple mistakes and that's OK as long as you don't let it eat away at you, absorb too much of your time and energy, and continue to feel bad about it for days, weeks and months to come!

I have a simple solution to avoid making mistakes in the first place.  Think of a making a decision about something simple right now.  You will get a good feeling somewhere inside your body like your stomach or your chest or your throat.  You will also get an uncomfortable feeling in another part of your body which is telling you that it's not a good decision and you shouldn't do it.  The problem is that we frequently ignore these internal messages and make the wrong decision.  Have you ever played a game of Trivial Pursuit or taken part in a quiz and not given the first answer that came into your head?  You then find out that the answer you gave was wrong and the one you were going to say was right but you doubted yourself and didn't trust the first answer. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

So, the next time you have to make a decision, no matter how simple, go inside and acknowledge where you get a good or bad feeling about the decision.  Trust whichever one you feel first and base your decision on that and you will the right decision every time.  And if you don't, it's not the end of the world.  Apologise, forgive yourself and move on.

What do martial arts, golf and being a bride have in common?

I'm sure some of you have heard about the scientific research that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become expert in your chosen field.  Malcolm Gladwell writes about this in his book Outliers:  The Story of Success and cites several examples where this theory has been used to get excellent results.

I'm sure that there is some validity to this and we know that musicians get better with practice, for example, but not all of us have the time to devote to practicing for 10,000 hours to achieve this.  There is another way.  When I'm working with brides to be I talk about practicing in the shoes, the dress, the veil and anything else they feel insecure about wearing or doing.  They love this advice because it gives them a chance to practice before the Wedding Day and enables them to feel more confident.  Why not practice the wedding?  Competence breeds confidence!

So here is my tip...once you have practised in the clothes, shoes and the rest, commit that to memory like a short film.  See yourself in your wedding dress with all the accessories and hair and makeup, walking down the aisle, enjoying the ceremony and remembering everything about it.  When you are in a situation where you can do a bit of daydreaming, close your eyes and run the film.  Run it again and again and again until you feel so comfortable with it that it's as if you have done it already.

This technique is used by martial arts' competitors, golfers, and many other athletes in the world of sport.  For example, in their mind a golfer will make the hole bigger and closer so that there is a shorter distance between the tee and the hole.  Nothing has changed on the outside but their mind is more focused on the shorter distance between the two that they actually get closer to the hole than they would have if that didn't do this.  A martial art competitor will work out their plan of attack and run it over and over again in their mind until they feel as if they have won the competition already.  So you see, they are practicing even when they aren't in a position to really practice.


Go on...try it!  What have you got to lose?
 

Victoria knows her stuff.

As I was walking around the International Bridal Design Fair last week I ran into Victoria Strefford of the Wedding Vine.   Being a wedding consultant and a newlywed herself, I couldn't resist the opportunity to pull out my Flip video and pick her brains about the wedding business.  Here is the candid and informative interview with Victoria.  Enjoy...





Thank you Victoria for a fabulous interview.


If you want anymore information on Victoria and her business, here is the link http://theweddingvine.com/

Controlled Chaos Behind the Scene...

This week I visited the International Bridal Design Fair at the White Gallery in London.  I watched a fabulous bridal fashion show during the fair and after the show met Pamela Chapman who is the head of a backstage management and dresser team that liaises between the designer and models to ensure that the show goes smoothly and that every model changes in time to arrive on the catwalk looking cool, calm and collected.

In my opinion and many others, backstage management and dressers are the unsung heroes of the fashion business.  They are always ready with pins, thread, tape and other things that you may not think of to deal with every eventuality during a fashion show.  When you watch a fashion show, I'm sure you have no idea about the controlled chaos going on behind the stage and Pam and her team make sure that the chaos is controlled!

Pam also dresses brides for the big day.  She arrives when hair and make up arrives and assists the bride in getting dressed and making sure everything is in place.  To follow is a 10 minute interview with her as she tells about some of her experiences.

If you would like to get in touch with Pam, here is her link http://www.pamelachapman.com/.

Have you remembered yourself on your long list of things to do?

I got a frantic phone call the other day from a bride to be saying that she is getting married next weekend and is 'rubbish' in front of the camera...her words not mine!  She wanted to know if I could come and help her before the wedding although it was very short notice and I said I could.  In fact, we're meeting on Sunday to get her in a good state to work with the photographer and camera so that she feels and looks good in her wedding photos.

There are 2 reasons I tell you this and the first one is about YOU, the bride.  I see brides do this all the time. They spend months making plans, finding the wedding venue, tasting wedding cake, buying the dress and going to the fittings, choosing the flowers, and on and on.  They forget about themselves!  I know you might be saying, no we don't, but you do.  I'm not talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, make up and hair trials, I'm talking about enjoying the process of planning, having fun with it, keeping the stress low and looking forward to your important day with curiosity and excitement.  How many of you are really excited in a good way?

Secondly, it is a lot easier than you think to make some changes now.  My frantic bride thought it was too late to do anything about her situation but it's not.  The beauty of the human brain is that we learn quickly and we learn even more quickly when we are passionate about getting something right. How ridiculous is it that you are spending large sums of money and time on planning your wedding and all you are feeling is stress?  So, my suggestion to you is build in some time for yourself.  Put aside a bit of time everyday where you are alone and breathe deeply, make some good images of what the next step will look like and how much fun it will be and make sure your internal dialogue is saying good things to you and if not tell it to SHUT UP!  You will begin to notice how much more enjoyable the wedding planning process becomes and I'm sure your fiancé will notice too!  This is meant to be a time to plan for a great event so get yourself into a great state and the fun will follow.

You may be saying how does this advice help a bride who is not good in front of the camera?  Easy, if she feels calm and confident it will show in her eyes, smile and posture so the pictures will reflect this and she will be much happier with the result.  Go on, do it...what do you have to lose?

HAVE FUN!

When confidence disappears, what to do?

Last night I went to a black tie dinner and while we were having drinks I started talking to this young woman.  She asked me what I do and I told her that I prepare brides for their big day and she started laughing and said 'I wish I knew someone like you before I got married'.  She was so confident and chatted to me as if we had known each other for years although we just met.  I asked her what she possible could have needed advice on as she seemed so confident.  She told me that she got married in Kenya with 20 guests, predominantly her family and everything was going well.  She came into the room where the wedding was taking place, turned the corner, saw the guests and froze.  She wanted to run and cry. She had this overwhelming feeling of fear that shocked her...totally unexpected.  She told me that it was just the culmination of everything.  The white dress, the flowers, the shoes...she had never worn things like that before.   She had worn long dresses and heels but there was something about being dressed in white with the eyes of your friends and family watching your every move.

It's amazing how situations that we least expect can jump up and frighten us when we don't expect it.  A great technique to use in a situation like that is to identify where the feeling is...in your stomach, in your chest, in your throat or somewhere else.  Spin that feeling in the direction that it wants to go.  Energy has movement and a feeling is energy.  Keep spinning it in that direction until you can't stand it anymore and then stop it, reverse it in the opposite direction and let it spin in that direction, faster and faster.  When something goes in the opposite direction, it doesn't remain the same so the negative feeling becomes a positive feeling.  Go on, do it now.  Think of something that stresses you out and do this technique.  It works every time.

The beauty of this technique is that you can do it anytime, anywhere and no one will know that you are doing it and the more you practice it, the easier it will become and before you know it you will do it naturally without thinking about it!

Perfection is a myth...

Nothing is perfect, is it?  Have you seen perfection?  I talk to a lot of brides and the one thing I notice most is their desire to have the perfect wedding.  Forget it.  It's not possible.  There is no such thing as a perfect wedding and the sooner you give up that idea, the sooner your stress level will reduce.

I heard a great phrase the other day...'It's not what life throws at you, it's how you catch it'.  I like that and the more I think about it, the more relaxed I feel about what life is going to throw at me.  You see, not everything goes to plan as we would like it to and that's OK.  Let go of this idea of the perfect wedding because it has never happened before and I doubt that you will be the first!  Besides, what would you have to talk about afterwards?  Some of the best stories from a wedding are about the things that didn't go to plan and they are usually very funny and we can dine out on them for years.

Instead of focusing on the idea of a perfect wedding, make a picture of what you will look like on the day, how happy you will feel and see the faces of your friends and family enjoying your wedding day.  Make a very clear picture of that and make it big and colourful and hear the voices and laughter.  If it helps to close your eyes, do this.  Make the picture even bigger like you are sitting in a cinema and you are watching it on a big screen.  Play the film out from beginning to end and make sure it has the emotion in it that you want to achieve.  It's not about the perfect flower arrangements, or the most beautiful dress or even the perfect weather, it's about enjoying yourself and enjoying the event that you have spent months planning.  If you focus on that, you will have a wonderful day and if anything doesn't go to plan, you will roll with it and laugh it off.

A wedding is about great memories and in order to have great memories it is best to be in a good state of mind.  Stay in the moment on the day and really notice the things around you...you've spent a lot of time and money on them so enjoy! Get out of your head and shut down the internal dialogue.  Instead, look at everything around you, take deep breaths and inhale the aroma of the flowers, feel the body heat of your friends and family, look in your husband's eyes and smile.  They will all be looking to you to see if you are relaxed and enjoying yourself and if you are, then they will as well.

Perfection is boring...

What does stay in the moment mean?

You've heard it on the TV, radio and read it in books but what does it mean...'stay in the moment'?  Before I explain what I think it means, it really is important to stay in the moment because that's all we have...the moment. The past is over and the future hasn't happened yet so staying in the moment is the best place to be!  The thing is that we frequently leave the present and start imagining the future and not always in a good way.  In fact, frequently it doesn't have a happy ending in our little film that we play and we begin to feel bad about something that hasn't even happened.

I'm sure with all the plans that you are making for your wedding you are also making pictures of what your wedding will look like and the film that you run may not play out the way you want it to, which fills you with feelings of anxiety and dread.  Not a good start to the wedding day, is it?  You're making all these plans and you want to savour every moment of your big day, not end up feeling that it didn't really happen or that you missed it!

There is a simple technique that will keep you in the moment and you can do it everyday and gradually you will stay in the moment without having to think about it.  When you are feeling overwhelmed by plans, decisions and disappointments, look outside yourself and notice what you see, what you hear and what you smell.  This will take you instantly into the present and keep you there as long as you focus on the what you see, hear and smell.  The more frequently you come into the present and notice what is going on around you, the less overwhelming everything will seem.  You see, what we create in our minds is frequently far worse than reality so keep in touch with reality as much as you can throughout the day and stop and smell the roses!

Decisions, decisions...

So now you've made the biggest decision of your life, to get married, and that decision gives birth to hundreds more decisions!  Good times.  Maybe you like making decisions, maybe you don't.  In addition to having to make decisions, you have a large budget to spend on the perfect day...your wedding day.  Here's the good news, you can actually enjoy making decisions and they can be good ones, that make you happy.

Remember a time that you made a good decision.  I'm sure there are many.  Do you remember how you felt?  You probably got a good feeling that you were hardly aware of like a good feeling in your stomach.  Our body tells us things all the time if we listen to it, such as when a decision is good or not. So instead of getting yourself into a confused state about a decision, take a few deep breaths, be quiet and let the thought go through your body and see how it feels...it will tell you.  Then connect that feeling to the decision and you will always make the right one.  I promise.

Great Posture Makes All the Difference in Wedding Photos.

Those of you who know me know how passionate I am about a bride's posture.  Actually, I'm passionate about everyone's posture as it does so much for their confidence, their health and their ability to think more clearly.  I'm particularly interested in brides' posture as most wedding dresses are strapless or expose a lot of the shoulder area and there is not much worse than seeing a bride slouch on her most important day and then have that captured in photos.  Many things can be photo-shopped out of photos but not bad posture!  So, I have spoken to several photographers so see what their thoughts are on the subject and Steve Shipman of Steve Shipman Photography gave me his opinion and here it is...

"We all slouch! We slouch in front of the TV, we slouch when we eat, at our desks and in the car. We slouch when we stand. We all do it. But when our posture comes under scrutiny in a photograph, we become very critical, and we point, and say - look at him slouching!

So, as a photographer, it is very important that I address this for you. You want to look good in a photo, tall, elegant even.

Posture matters whether the photo is of a group at a wedding or of a couple in a set-up shot. I try and avoid the word 'pose', as everyone thinks that's about doing something awkward and uncomfortable. But I do set up a lot of my shots, wherever I see good light, or a space that will suit my clients.

Let's imagine the moment everyone dreads at a wedding - the group shots!  The first thing I ask, regardless of how many people are in the shot, is for everyone to stand in a line and face the bride and groom, feet, hips, shoulders, the lot.

The group is now of a line of people side-on to me, thinking, it's true, my worst nightmare is happening.

Read on. Standing side-on prevents people on the ends of the group coming forward and creating an arc - we definitely want everyone the same distance from the camera and therefore in as much of a straight line as possible. It also stops people randomly overlapping each other.

Next, I ask everyone on the bride's side to point the nearest foot to me at me. Folks on the groom's side do the same. Now we have lots of toes all pointing at me. The action of turning a foot out will also naturally turn peoples' shoulders to me, just a little. A three-quarter pose  is very flattering as it de-emphasises tummies, and the turn will show off good shoulders.

So now we have everyone thinking they're in a ballet class, and actually it's becoming fun. Next I consider the hands. Depending on the level of formality, most people are happy with hands clasped in front. Men usually look good doing this. Women look good with elbows lightly bent, and the nearest hand to me is sometimes placed on the upper thigh or lower hip area. Hands and arms on the far side remain hidden.

If the group is less formal, I will ask everyone to put the hand visible to me on the arm or the waist on the person in front of them. This instantly connects everyone, and usually makes for more smiles. This is fun!

The last and most crucial direction from me is to say 'Stand Tall'. I mirror the stance, and then make some corny joke about an extra inch making all the difference. It is amazing to see the posture of everyone instantly straighten up, toes out, shoulders gently turned, connected to someone next to them. How elegant. Take the picture!

Writing this makes it sound like a long process, but when I'm in wedding mode we shoot each group in two minutes. People watch what I do for each group, and when it's their turn they know exactly what I'm getting at, and they can see how good everyone looks. Posture is all!"

http://www.steveshipmanphotography.com/weddings/

The Secrets to a Fabulous Wedding Speech

Lawrence Bernstein is a friend of mine and he very kindly has written the following tips and techniques for preparing, writing and presenting the perfect wedding speech.  

"I have no doubt that your wedding is organised like clockwork; that you know what drinks and hors d’oeuvres will be served and when, what time the first dance will start, and what the groom will wear in his buttonhole.  But there tends to be a rather important area that barely gets a mention in the planning.  The speeches.  And they are often the first thing that a guest returning from your wedding will mention in answer to the question ‘How was it?’.

A great speech can make a wedding.  A bad one can waste valuable time and embarrass you and your guests.

I write speeches professionally.  Many of them are for nervous grooms, fathers of the bride and best men.  And so I am constantly being asked for the magical piece of advice that will help create a wedding speech that is memorable for all the right reasons.

Following these tips won’t turn you into an instant success, but they should help lay the groundwork for you:

Before the Speech

·   Don’t underestimate the importance of preparation

·   Decide on your preferred balance between sincerity and humour.  This is crucial as it sets the foundations for everything that you will do from this point on

·   Try to focus on a theme that will hold your speech together (this works particularly well for the Best Man Speech)

·   Create a ‘speech plan’ before you start writing the speech itself so you can see how the entire speech will flow before trying to write it

·   Be relevant

·   Write in short, sharp sentences

·   Leave lots of spaces for pauses

·   Keep it inside ten minutes

·   Print out a spare copy

·   Rehearse it out loud and standing up to ensure that this doesn’t throw you on the day

·   Edit out the awkward bits that just don’t work while you are practising

On the day:

·   Don’t try and re-write the speech on the day itself; if it’s not right by now it never will be!

·   Take a deep breath before you start to release your nerves

·   Read from the same cards / paper that you’ve used in practise

·   Don’t drink too much

·   Speak slowly

·   Look around

·   Emphasise key words

·   Speak into the microphone

·   Try to enjoy it!

I appreciate that this isn’t rocket science and that much of the skill required fits into the writing itself.  But I hope this nudges you in the right direction.  I am always delighted to discuss any element of your speech and my blog is regularly updated with new articles and advice: www.greatspeechwriting.co.uk

You can also call me on +44 20 8245 8999 if you’d like me to get more directly involved in creating something really special for you.

Good luck!"

How to Walk in High Heels Like a Pro

The question that most females ask me is how do I walk in high heels like a pro?   Walking in high heels is so much easier than you think.  The secret is practice…lots of it!  But before you start practicing, getting the foundation right is so important.  The first step is to get the right size shoe for your foot.  I know that’s obvious…but is it?  Sometimes we fall in love with a pair of shoes and squeeze our feet in even though they are obviously too small or they flap about because they are too big…either way you will never be able to walk in them properly, so don’t waste your money.   So try them on.  Do not buy wedding shoes over the internet unless you have been able to try on the exact same style in a shoe store beforehand.  This is the not the time to scrimp and save on your shoes.  Your feet will not thank you and as I'm sure you know, if your feet hurt it can effect the rest of your well-being! 

You see, walking like a pro in high heels is all about balance…and practice!  The shoe must fit perfectly.  The arch of your foot must sit comfortably in the shank of the shoe, which is the part that curves between the toe and the heel.  If the shoe doesn’t fit, your arch will not sit in the shank properly and your balance will be off and this could lead to disaster and a lot of pain in your feet. 

Here is the big secret to walking like a pro in high heels…are you ready?  Wear them everyday for about 15-30 minutes.  That’s it.  I said it was easier than you thought.  Our muscles have something called muscle memory and we can change the memory of our muscles if we do something differently for about 30 days or more so if you practice walking in high heels everyday or as much as you can, the heels will begin to feel like they are just an extension of your foot.  When you put them on, your muscles will begin to adapt to the shape of the shoe and ‘know’ what to do. 

Do  you remember when you were first learning to ride a bike?  You probably fell off the bike several times and felt a bit clumsy and uncoordinated but you kept going until you got it right.  No one was born knowing how to ride a bike or wear high heels so keep practicing and it will become second nature.

But before we go any further, I would like to show you various types of high heels and explain how easy or difficult they are to wear.

This silver 'court' or stiletto shoe with a pointed toe can be the most uncomfortable shoe to wear.  It is very high and your foot will be shunted to the front of the shoe which is pointed.  Therefore your 5 toes will be crammed into a small and unnaturally shaped space.  I suggest that you buy a shoe like this a half size larger than your normal size so that your feet have somewhere to go in the shoe!

The shoe on the right is a similar shoe to the court shoe above but will be much more comfortable to wear as it has a 'peep toe' and therefore your toes will have room to breathe and expand.  This is very important as you will be on your feet for a long time and your feet will swell.  If your wedding is during your menstrual cycle, your feet will swell even more.

The shoes on the left may look comfortable but they are very difficult to wear as they have no support.  It is a strappy sandal and looks very sexy on the feet but if you are not used to walking in high heels, your feet will slip from side to side. So practice wearing them...it will pay off!  

Believe it or not, the shoe on the right can be an extremely comfortable high heel to wear as it has a platform and the platform actually lifts the front of the foot so the ratio between the front of the foot and the back of the foot is less than with the court shoe above.  This can be a great shoe to wear if you want height but not the discomfort.  

If you have fleshy or wide feet and want a beautiful shoe that may not come in a wide width, this is the shoe for you.  It has all the elegance of a court shoe but gives you the openness on either side of the shoe for your feet to spill over a bit.  And if you find a shoe like this with a peep toe, it will be even more comfortable for your expanding feet for the long day ahead.

And finally, the shoe on the right is what is sometimes called a 'mule', it looks like an elegant, pointed toe court shoe from the front but is completely open at the back so your feet can breathe and expand as much as they like!  It is an especially good shoe under a long dress with a train because you will see the front of the shoe but not the back and no one will know that you have a mule on.

There are many more types of shoes and not enough space to include them so I have focussed on high heels as they are the most difficult shoes to master but as I said above...practice, practice, practice.  

The last but most important tip is to NEVER wear a new pair of high heels for the first time on your wedding day.  I know you want to keep them pristine in their box or shoe bag but you will regret it.  If you don't want to practice in them for weeks beforehand then buy a cheaper, similar pair of shoes to practice in.  Then the week before the wedding, wear your wedding shoes for a short period of time every day. Take an old pair of tights and cut them off so that they cover each shoe to protect them from dust and dirt and then get on with your chores, until you forget about them and they feel very comfortable.  It is good to wear in the sole of the shoe so that when you wear them on your big day, you don't slip.  Before any fashion show, designers scratch the sole of the high heels or tape over them to create a bit of traction so that the model does not slip or fall.  

High heels are great and can make your legs look longer and make you look taller but only if they fit properly and you walk tall with good posture!

A Designer's View on Buying the Perfect Wedding Dress.

"When choosing a wedding dress I would say the most important piece of advice I can offer is to have fun and enjoy the time you spend choosing your wedding dress. As this is the dress you are wearing for the most special day of your life, it is meant to be the best experience you have shopping EVER, and if it isn't, then go somewhere where it is.

Secondly, I would stick to your budget. It avoids disappointment during this fun period of shopping. There are beautiful gowns out there at every price

Also, I would offer that a good sales person or designer would give you a decent consultation over Champagne or Tea to really discuss what you are looking for and offer suggestions before you start even trying dresses on.

I believe brides have had an idea of their perfect gown in their minds from a very young age, and certainly once engaged they put a lot of research into looking for dresses. It is a store’s or designer’s job to make sure it is the right dress for them, tweaking here, advising on more flattering silhouettes there, adding flowers or bows here and so on. For example the bespoke arena where I work, and with my collection, I hope the designs serve as more of a spring-board or showcase of ideas and the endless possibilities that are open out there for every bride.

You should never be rushed or bullied around or feel uncomfortable in any way. Having said that, if you are comfortable with the sales person or designer, I would then offer the advice to listen to what they suggest. They may come up with something that you would never have thought of and it turns out to be amazing. They have helped many brides and the good ones have a wealth of knowledge.

Now I hope that all my comments above are taken positively, but honestly, what could be the most expensive garment purchase you ever make should also come with the best experience.

On a more practical level, I say that a bride needs to consider her body type in shopping for a wedding dress. Most brides already know their own body types and what suits them the most, but don’t be afraid to try a few gowns on as an affirmation of what suits you best. Pretty much every issue of every bridal magazine or website always has a ‘what type of dress is right for your body type’ section and as part of a brides research she should be well aware of it. But again, a good sales person or designer may be able to offer alternatives. You need to consider height, weight, body proportion, anything you especially would like to conceal, is there anything you would especially like to show off? A long neck? Beautiful arms? Wedding dresses are perfect examples of clothes that can both conceal and enhance at the same time.

You shouldn’t spend all day pulling your dress up if it is strapless. That means it either doesn’t fit, or plainly just that you are not used to wearing strapless. All of my strapless gowns for example already come with a bridal corset inside, so: a) you get part of your trousseau with the dress, and b) it forms the foundation for a strapless style constructed over it. If you are not used to strapless, then perhaps cap sleeves or something else is better for you.

Consider how long you are going to be wearing the dress. If it is all day, then will you need one with a bustle so you are able to dance later?

The weather is a factor even, even which shade of white or ivory or colour that works best with your skin tone.

One thing also about fabrics, do you remember when Princess Diana got out of the carriage when she married Prince Charles, her dress was creased to Heaven and back, so perhaps do a little scrunch test yourself, some fabrics naturally look creased, Silk dupion always does a little, it part of its charm. Duchesse satin holds itself very well, chiffon can look creased in a very short space of time, especially if you are sitting for a long time in the back of a car or at the reception, so try out different fabrics while you are shopping too. Anything slightly synthetic will,I hate to say, perform better than pure silk, that’s why they are made!

The train length is also important, it relates back to the kind of aisle you are walking down, to what type of veil you are having. Also remember that for most of the service people are going to be looking at your back. So gowns with back interest are always appropriate, beading or lace on the hem of the skirt, bows or flowers. But then, pretty much all of the wedding photographs are going to be of the front of the dress, so again consider ornamentation. Beware though of over-gilding the lilly. There is no need to have a heavily encrusted bodice all the way up to your bust if you are going to be wearing a lot of jewellery that would make for a very visually busy décolleté.

Also, when you buy an off the rack style or semi bespoke, there are often massive alteration charges that sometimes negate the original price tag, which are all included when you go bespoke. Certainly for a bespoke company like mine, a lot of the actual cost comes through fabrics and the amount of handwork that physically goes into a dress. If you are buying fabric at £95 a meter and a dress needs 10 meters then it quickly mounts. Team that with £5 tulle, but you need 150 meters of it, in an underskirt that takes 40 hours to make at £35 an hour you can begin to understand the complexities of cost in this arena. But that's not to say that custom needs to cost the earth. Personally I think a simple dress with a £20,000 price tag on it just because it is in this store or by that designer is pointless, and especially now brides at all levels of the market are understanding cost to value ratios. If you buy a £500 dress for example, make it a simple design, as a £500 dress covered in lace, heavily embroidered and beaded with a cathedral length train is more likely to look like a rag as there are too many expensive elements that should cost more, that you really are buying poor workmanship, even if the design is the best ever. And similarly, why bother buying a simple dress for £20,000, throw it all on!

Finally, my last piece of advice is to shop within your budget and be aware of extra costs like alterations. You commit to a dress months in advance and deposits are not cheap. Also, when you have chosen the dress, STOP looking or you will drive yourself insane on top of the rest of the wedding planning, if you shop smartly, with the correct sales person you really shouldn't make a mistake. Also, remember whom the day is about. Your Fiancé and You. I believe each bride would have an idea of her Fiancés taste so will dress appropriately, but you are not dressing for your mother or mother in law to be, so the dress should reflect you not them."

Jeremy Brandrick

Jeremy is a friend of mine and he lives and designs in New York although his bridal dresses will soon be available in the UK.  He has a 2 page spread in the April/May issue of Cosmo Bride.  Have a look at his website.   www.jeremybrandrick.com

The Catwalk of Your Life...

The other day I was thinking about my time as a catwalk model and how, in those days, each designer fashion show had a bridal finale. No matter what the collection was like, it culminated in a bridal dress finishing the show and every model vied for the opportunity to be the bride as it was literally the icing on the cake of the show. It would be the most beautiful, the most expensive and most coveted dress in the show and it was the ultimate compliment to be chosen as you were inevitably photographed with the designer as you escorted him or her off the catwalk after their curtain call.

I had the good fortune to be a bride in many fashion shows and it made me think what it must feel like on a bride’s wedding day to have that experience for the first, and hopefully last, time! How many women wear a long dress, high heels, a veil, carry a bouquet and have the eyes of their friends and family on them down the aisle and the rest of the day? The bride is the star of the show just like a designer catwalk show and she, above anyone else, wants to glide down the aisle seamlessly with confidence, elegance and great posture. But where do you go to get this kind of advice?

Well, I’ve spent years being a model and years training young girls who want to be a model and I thought brides to be are under even more pressure than young models to look great in their wedding gown, heels, veil, with cameras coming at them from every angle throughout the whole day. This is a lot of pressure for someone who may not have worn heels and a long dress before. Even models who have done a bit of modelling would struggle with this kind of pressure with the eyes of friends and family watching their every move. Then you have to pose for the photos and look at them for the rest of your life…whether you like them or not! What you may not realise is that you have quite a bit of control over the outcome of your photos if you know a few simple techniques of the professionals. It can make all the difference between a good photo and an awful one and if you know your best angle, you can offer that up to the photographer instead of the photographer trying to find it for you, under pressure with time constraints and hungry guests.

So, instead of having the same kind of hen party, invite me to spend a couple hours with you and your bridesmaids and girlfriends. We will learn how to walk in high heels elegantly and without pain, how to pose for the camera, techniques for staying calm no matter what goes wrong and how to enjoy every moment of your special day. We will have a lot of laughs, learn lots and you will go home feeling and looking better with no headache in the morning!

www.thebridalcoach.co.uk