Is it a mistake or a bad decision?

Have you ever made a mistake?  I have.  Several.  What do you think the difference is between a mistake and a bad decision?  I'll tell you what I think.  A mistake is something that you do, regret and get over.  A bad decision is something that you do, don't get over and beat yourself up about or mourn for a long time.  Can you think of mistake you made a while ago, several weeks, months or years, and still feel bad about?  Now is the time to let it go.  It's over and the best thing about the past is that it's over! The best thing you can do is apologise, forgive yourself and move on.

Some people make mistakes that become very bad decisions.  Have you ever met someone who hates their job and wishes they had followed their dream instead?  Perhaps they studied art at University but took a job in the corporate world, have stayed in the job for years and now feel incapable to make the change.  That is a very bad decision that started life as a mistake.

Planning a wedding will require you to make a lot of decisions...some as simple as what kind of icing you want on your wedding cake and some as complicated as who sits next to who at the wedding breakfast.  Now is a good time to accept that you will make a couple mistakes and that's OK as long as you don't let it eat away at you, absorb too much of your time and energy, and continue to feel bad about it for days, weeks and months to come!

I have a simple solution to avoid making mistakes in the first place.  Think of a making a decision about something simple right now.  You will get a good feeling somewhere inside your body like your stomach or your chest or your throat.  You will also get an uncomfortable feeling in another part of your body which is telling you that it's not a good decision and you shouldn't do it.  The problem is that we frequently ignore these internal messages and make the wrong decision.  Have you ever played a game of Trivial Pursuit or taken part in a quiz and not given the first answer that came into your head?  You then find out that the answer you gave was wrong and the one you were going to say was right but you doubted yourself and didn't trust the first answer. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

So, the next time you have to make a decision, no matter how simple, go inside and acknowledge where you get a good or bad feeling about the decision.  Trust whichever one you feel first and base your decision on that and you will the right decision every time.  And if you don't, it's not the end of the world.  Apologise, forgive yourself and move on.

What do martial arts, golf and being a bride have in common?

I'm sure some of you have heard about the scientific research that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become expert in your chosen field.  Malcolm Gladwell writes about this in his book Outliers:  The Story of Success and cites several examples where this theory has been used to get excellent results.

I'm sure that there is some validity to this and we know that musicians get better with practice, for example, but not all of us have the time to devote to practicing for 10,000 hours to achieve this.  There is another way.  When I'm working with brides to be I talk about practicing in the shoes, the dress, the veil and anything else they feel insecure about wearing or doing.  They love this advice because it gives them a chance to practice before the Wedding Day and enables them to feel more confident.  Why not practice the wedding?  Competence breeds confidence!

So here is my tip...once you have practised in the clothes, shoes and the rest, commit that to memory like a short film.  See yourself in your wedding dress with all the accessories and hair and makeup, walking down the aisle, enjoying the ceremony and remembering everything about it.  When you are in a situation where you can do a bit of daydreaming, close your eyes and run the film.  Run it again and again and again until you feel so comfortable with it that it's as if you have done it already.

This technique is used by martial arts' competitors, golfers, and many other athletes in the world of sport.  For example, in their mind a golfer will make the hole bigger and closer so that there is a shorter distance between the tee and the hole.  Nothing has changed on the outside but their mind is more focused on the shorter distance between the two that they actually get closer to the hole than they would have if that didn't do this.  A martial art competitor will work out their plan of attack and run it over and over again in their mind until they feel as if they have won the competition already.  So you see, they are practicing even when they aren't in a position to really practice.


Go on...try it!  What have you got to lose?
 

Victoria knows her stuff.

As I was walking around the International Bridal Design Fair last week I ran into Victoria Strefford of the Wedding Vine.   Being a wedding consultant and a newlywed herself, I couldn't resist the opportunity to pull out my Flip video and pick her brains about the wedding business.  Here is the candid and informative interview with Victoria.  Enjoy...





Thank you Victoria for a fabulous interview.


If you want anymore information on Victoria and her business, here is the link http://theweddingvine.com/

Controlled Chaos Behind the Scene...

This week I visited the International Bridal Design Fair at the White Gallery in London.  I watched a fabulous bridal fashion show during the fair and after the show met Pamela Chapman who is the head of a backstage management and dresser team that liaises between the designer and models to ensure that the show goes smoothly and that every model changes in time to arrive on the catwalk looking cool, calm and collected.

In my opinion and many others, backstage management and dressers are the unsung heroes of the fashion business.  They are always ready with pins, thread, tape and other things that you may not think of to deal with every eventuality during a fashion show.  When you watch a fashion show, I'm sure you have no idea about the controlled chaos going on behind the stage and Pam and her team make sure that the chaos is controlled!

Pam also dresses brides for the big day.  She arrives when hair and make up arrives and assists the bride in getting dressed and making sure everything is in place.  To follow is a 10 minute interview with her as she tells about some of her experiences.

If you would like to get in touch with Pam, here is her link http://www.pamelachapman.com/.

Have you remembered yourself on your long list of things to do?

I got a frantic phone call the other day from a bride to be saying that she is getting married next weekend and is 'rubbish' in front of the camera...her words not mine!  She wanted to know if I could come and help her before the wedding although it was very short notice and I said I could.  In fact, we're meeting on Sunday to get her in a good state to work with the photographer and camera so that she feels and looks good in her wedding photos.

There are 2 reasons I tell you this and the first one is about YOU, the bride.  I see brides do this all the time. They spend months making plans, finding the wedding venue, tasting wedding cake, buying the dress and going to the fittings, choosing the flowers, and on and on.  They forget about themselves!  I know you might be saying, no we don't, but you do.  I'm not talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, make up and hair trials, I'm talking about enjoying the process of planning, having fun with it, keeping the stress low and looking forward to your important day with curiosity and excitement.  How many of you are really excited in a good way?

Secondly, it is a lot easier than you think to make some changes now.  My frantic bride thought it was too late to do anything about her situation but it's not.  The beauty of the human brain is that we learn quickly and we learn even more quickly when we are passionate about getting something right. How ridiculous is it that you are spending large sums of money and time on planning your wedding and all you are feeling is stress?  So, my suggestion to you is build in some time for yourself.  Put aside a bit of time everyday where you are alone and breathe deeply, make some good images of what the next step will look like and how much fun it will be and make sure your internal dialogue is saying good things to you and if not tell it to SHUT UP!  You will begin to notice how much more enjoyable the wedding planning process becomes and I'm sure your fiancé will notice too!  This is meant to be a time to plan for a great event so get yourself into a great state and the fun will follow.

You may be saying how does this advice help a bride who is not good in front of the camera?  Easy, if she feels calm and confident it will show in her eyes, smile and posture so the pictures will reflect this and she will be much happier with the result.  Go on, do it...what do you have to lose?

HAVE FUN!

When confidence disappears, what to do?

Last night I went to a black tie dinner and while we were having drinks I started talking to this young woman.  She asked me what I do and I told her that I prepare brides for their big day and she started laughing and said 'I wish I knew someone like you before I got married'.  She was so confident and chatted to me as if we had known each other for years although we just met.  I asked her what she possible could have needed advice on as she seemed so confident.  She told me that she got married in Kenya with 20 guests, predominantly her family and everything was going well.  She came into the room where the wedding was taking place, turned the corner, saw the guests and froze.  She wanted to run and cry. She had this overwhelming feeling of fear that shocked her...totally unexpected.  She told me that it was just the culmination of everything.  The white dress, the flowers, the shoes...she had never worn things like that before.   She had worn long dresses and heels but there was something about being dressed in white with the eyes of your friends and family watching your every move.

It's amazing how situations that we least expect can jump up and frighten us when we don't expect it.  A great technique to use in a situation like that is to identify where the feeling is...in your stomach, in your chest, in your throat or somewhere else.  Spin that feeling in the direction that it wants to go.  Energy has movement and a feeling is energy.  Keep spinning it in that direction until you can't stand it anymore and then stop it, reverse it in the opposite direction and let it spin in that direction, faster and faster.  When something goes in the opposite direction, it doesn't remain the same so the negative feeling becomes a positive feeling.  Go on, do it now.  Think of something that stresses you out and do this technique.  It works every time.

The beauty of this technique is that you can do it anytime, anywhere and no one will know that you are doing it and the more you practice it, the easier it will become and before you know it you will do it naturally without thinking about it!

Perfection is a myth...

Nothing is perfect, is it?  Have you seen perfection?  I talk to a lot of brides and the one thing I notice most is their desire to have the perfect wedding.  Forget it.  It's not possible.  There is no such thing as a perfect wedding and the sooner you give up that idea, the sooner your stress level will reduce.

I heard a great phrase the other day...'It's not what life throws at you, it's how you catch it'.  I like that and the more I think about it, the more relaxed I feel about what life is going to throw at me.  You see, not everything goes to plan as we would like it to and that's OK.  Let go of this idea of the perfect wedding because it has never happened before and I doubt that you will be the first!  Besides, what would you have to talk about afterwards?  Some of the best stories from a wedding are about the things that didn't go to plan and they are usually very funny and we can dine out on them for years.

Instead of focusing on the idea of a perfect wedding, make a picture of what you will look like on the day, how happy you will feel and see the faces of your friends and family enjoying your wedding day.  Make a very clear picture of that and make it big and colourful and hear the voices and laughter.  If it helps to close your eyes, do this.  Make the picture even bigger like you are sitting in a cinema and you are watching it on a big screen.  Play the film out from beginning to end and make sure it has the emotion in it that you want to achieve.  It's not about the perfect flower arrangements, or the most beautiful dress or even the perfect weather, it's about enjoying yourself and enjoying the event that you have spent months planning.  If you focus on that, you will have a wonderful day and if anything doesn't go to plan, you will roll with it and laugh it off.

A wedding is about great memories and in order to have great memories it is best to be in a good state of mind.  Stay in the moment on the day and really notice the things around you...you've spent a lot of time and money on them so enjoy! Get out of your head and shut down the internal dialogue.  Instead, look at everything around you, take deep breaths and inhale the aroma of the flowers, feel the body heat of your friends and family, look in your husband's eyes and smile.  They will all be looking to you to see if you are relaxed and enjoying yourself and if you are, then they will as well.

Perfection is boring...